Musings + I Didn't Think Anyone Liked Me So Much Etc.

Savanna's aunt Judy's mandala
not quite captured

Did I write about this already? I might have. Were people not sweet before? Or was I not sweet? Or was I oblivious to affection? It seemed before like no one, or most of no one, gave a crap. Now people want to talk to me before I kick the bucket presumably. Don't get me wrong, I like it. I should keep this cancer story going for a looooong time.

Interlude: I realized something about Dr. Tavakoli. I had asked him to be direct. Based on a couple of our conversations, I'm not really sure that he can be. I mean, he can be direct about conveying results from studies, but those things aren't...what I meant by being direct. (I refer the reader to my post Optimism or Pessimism which talks about ways in which studies are and are not relevant.)

Anyway. The way individuals have responded to my illness seems to correlate to their past experience of illness. In other words, if they nursed an ill husband, or had a close friend with breast cancer, etc., or dealt with some kind of illness themselves, then they're sort of 'here' in a way that other people are not (even if they're not geographically here!) In other words if you have had little experience of illness, pain, or disability, you don't particularly resonate with someone who is very ill. This is not a complaint at all. (It's exactly how I was around 5 months ago!)

I'm enjoying reading Cheri Huber, who someone on the monthlong Buddhafield retreat last summer - I can't remember who - recommended. The book is Trying To Be Human.

It seems like I'm getting a tiny bit more energy every day...