True Confessions: How I Feel About Other People Complaining

I am very fond of primates -
that's why I like you!

There's a great comic about this in the book Cancer Has Made Me a Shallower Person by Miriam Engelberg. By the way I tried to look up something about her and was surprised to find out she has been dead for 6 years.

It's reasonable to think that I would be judgmental about your complaints...well, maybe it's reasonable. I have occasionally been impatient with repetitive whinging but I think that has been more the exception. These days every time I hear a problem someone has it sounds really bad. I think if anything I have more empathy. Sure, the complaints come from people who don't have cancer, but surely there are other ills. Recent examples: serious concerns about money; bad health and pain; all the mental pain around comparing oneself to others and feeling threatened and insecure; worry about one's kids; mental illness; relationship ending...I see how critical of ourselves and anxious many of us are - it is a big area of sympathy for me. How many things do you do that you feel at least vaguely guilty about? How many things are you worried about? Remember even with cancer I'm still Auntie Suvanna!

Painting by Aloka,
a member of our Buddhist Order

I have become a lot less critical of myself since my diagnosis. This is at least partly from having somehow become psychologically a lot simpler...but I notice how I can just do what I need to do (say 9 out of 10 times!) and not feel conflicted or guilty. Now I want to lie down. Now I'm watching a movie in the middle of the day. Now I'm canceling something. Now I'm on retreat doing virtually nothing on the program! Now I'm eating something that may not be great for me, but I'm not going to sweat it...Possibly I don't have as much energy for criticism (and other more psychologically complex functions). Once I have more energy I may pick it back up again, as if retrieving what's familiar from a luggage carousel...

This is a bit off-topic but I do think I need to express my needs more clearly. Sometimes. There are things about my experience that other people are not going to get unless I spell it out, and I don't always do this. For example that I can't really be in the sun. That certain foods can (later) cause me pain. In a way I am very healthy, but tire very quickly, and am rather physically fragile. People know this in general of course. I probably need to know it a bit more. I am not used to communicating needs so much, or having so many to pay attention to. 

Anyway tell me your troubles if you would like to talk about them. Most of the time I deeply prefer them to mine.