"If you are divided from your body, you are divided from the body of the world, which then appears to be other than you, or separate from you, rather than the living continuum in which you belong." Phillip Shepherd (quoted by Eve Ensler, I think)
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| Near Lake Tahoe |
And I lie there for some indeterminate amount of time which does not seem long. Then someone comes in and stimulates certain points with a burning cigarette (not really, but it's a burning ember and it smells good). It feels fantastic. It's called moxa. Anyway when I was lying there I was thinking, this is the only time I do not feel sick, the only time I feel very deeply well. In fact the only time I can feel energy moving through my body, and at the same time I feel deeply calm, is when I am there. It's the only time I can fully relax. I feel a lot of confidence in my western doctors, but I feel that what they are covering is a narrow band of my life. Going to Misha fills in everything else.
A couple of friends have suggested I get a second opinion about my treatment. A Buddhist here who is a doctor has put me in touch with a specialist at UCSF, Dr Rebecca Brooks. I have felt on the edge of not quite being proactive enough to go this far, to add to all the appointments I have. But I am doing it. Today I got all my paperwork in to get records forwarded. They will call me for an appointment when they get the records.
I filled out an Advance Healthcare Directive yesterday with Dawn and a talkative bald cancer patient as witnesses. You know, don't keep me alive as a vegetable, etc.; when I'm dead I want everyone to get drunk and sing Spirit in the Sky, etc.
More later about chemotherapy yesterday.
More later about chemotherapy yesterday.
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